Ferret scene gone WRONG
by May La Nee
Summary: Moody bounced Draco the ferret up and down in the halls a bit too much. Rated M; not so subtly implied necrophilia.


**This story is… so…**_**so**_** wrong. But also hilarious. xD  
Credit to Sami, Ryou's Hikari for helping me with the major AWKWARD that's happening in this story. **

"OH NO YOU DON'T, LADDIE!"

Harry spun around. Professor Moody was limping down the marble staircase. His wand was out and it was pointing right at a pure white ferret, which was shivering on the stone-flagged floor, exactly where Malfoy had been standing.

There was a terrified silence in the entrance hall. Nobody but Moody was moving a muscle. Moody turned to look at Harry.  
"Did he get you?" Moody growled. His voice was low and gravelly.  
"No," said Harry, "missed."

Moody started to limp toward Crabbe, Goyle, and the ferret, which gave a terrified squeak and took off, streaking toward the dungeons.

"I don't like people who attack when their opponent's back's turned," growled Moody as the ferret bounced up and down, squealing in pain. "Stinking, cowardly, scummy thing to do..."

The ferret flew through the air, its legs and tail flailing helplessly until it hit the ceiling and then fell down again.

"Never - do - that - again -" said Moody, speaking each word as the ferret hit the stone floor with a crack and bounced upward again.

"Professor Moody!" said a shocked voice.  
Professor McGonagall was coming down the marble staircase with her arms full of books.  
"Hello, Professor McGonagall," said Moody calmly, still smacking the ferret up and down.  
The animal had gone silent.

"What - what are you doing?" said Professor McGonagall, her eyes following the bouncing ferret's progress through the air.  
"Teaching," said Moody.  
"Teach - Moody, is that a student?" shrieked Professor McGonagall, the books spilling out of her arms.

"Yep," said Moody.  
"No!" cried Professor McGonagall, running down the stairs and pulling out her wand; a moment later, with a loud snapping noise, Draco Malfoy had reappeared, lying in a heap on the floor with his sleek blond hair all over his now bloody face. His arms and legs were lying in angles they weren't supposed to bend in, with apparent joints that didn't seem to belong there.

Moody stepped closer to the boy when he didn't open his eyes, and bent over curiously.

There was some sound coming from Draco, and Professor McGonagall seemed to have found her voice back; "Oh my-…" she rushed over to the boy and kneeled beside him. "Can you hear me?"

Harry could feel the shock of Draco Malfoy lying there broken tie his intestines together. Sure, he hated the boy… but actually seeing him like this didn't feel good at all.

Draco made another sound -something between swallowing and choking- and then opened his eyes.  
"mal-Malfoy-" Crabbe stammered, frozen on the spot. As a reply Draco barfed up some blood.

"Would somebody get Madam Pomfrey?!" McGonagall screeched without looking up from the boy who started shaking uncontrollably. "Mister Malf- Draco, Draco can you hear me?!"

Blood was dripping from his mouth and his eyes were wide open, rolling back without focussing as he kept shaking.

"What's happening to him..?" Harry asked, more to himself than to anyone.  
"…I read about this…" Hermione started softly, "…when… When the cerebellum, the basal ganglia or the er-… _brainstem_- gets damaged… It's possible that er…"

"Is that why he's bleeding..?" Crabbe asked her sadly. Hermione wasn't even surprised the Slytherin boy talked to her -she seemed more surprised by the tears in his eyes.  
She shook her head slightly; "...the blood is because… I _think_- it's because… his lungs got punctured…"  
"How the hell could his lungs get punctured?" Crabbe asked in reply, sounding frustrated more than sad now.

"His ribs I think…" Hermione held her books tightly to her chest and watched professor McGonagall panic next to the boy on the floor.

Harry looked back at them too, and suddenly noticed how Moody didn't seem at all bothered by the damage he caused. In fact, he seemed to be enjoying himself. He was bending over, his back against the wall next to Draco and he was looking at the boy as if he was silently encouraging him.

"…what does the cerebrellum do…?" Crabbe asked quietly.  
"The cerebellum controls muscle movements…the basal ganglia does too. It's crucial for walking and… Or! It's the spinal cord that's s-…"

"Miss Granger! _Please_!" McGonagall looked up from Draco to look at Hermione; she seemed strangely pale. (Draco did too, apart from the odd bruising in his neck) She seemed to want to add something, but changed her mind and focussed back on the boy in front of her. She was moving her hands as if she couldn't decide what to do, and she looked up repeatedly and nervously to check if madam Pomfrey had arrived yet.

Harry still had his eyes fixed on Moody. He seemed to be mumbling something; maybe it was a healing spell?  
No… no; it looked more like he was just repeatedly licking his lips.

Professor McGonagall leaned back, placed a hand over her mouth and looked at the boy in front of her with shock when he stopped moving. "He's gone," Moody said breathlessly, one hand fidgeting with his groin.

He then leant down at Draco's face, his hair falling about his eyes as he glanced over the form of the dead boy. His callused hands roamed over Draco's body. McGonagall looked at him, lingering shock melding with a sense of dismay.

"What on earth are you doing?" she commanded. "I have to inspect him," muttered Moody, brushing her off. "This is an official matter: the death of a student is not to be taken lightly. I shall have to make a report on the state of the boy." And he turned back to Draco, his tongue flicking across his lips as he softly brushed his hand down the boy's crotch.

McGonagall looked at her colleague with disgust; "The state he's-… You _killed_ him, surely you know what state he's in!"

Rigor mortis had not yet set in, and Draco was still quite warm - as though blood still pulsed through his veins. "Oh yes." sighed Moody wistfully; his one living eye glazing over. "He is quite dead."

Then Ron appeared, and playfully prodded an elbow in Harry's side; "I know what state Moody's in mate.." Harry gave his friend a disturbed look.

When Harry didn't say anything, Ron continued; "A state of arousal if I'm not mistaking."

"RONALD!" Hermione said, looking absolutely disgusted, "Malfoy just _died,_ all right? It's… _so_ inappropriate to joke about it!"

Moody snapped his head back to glare at them; "Quiet! All of you!" he then turned back to Draco's lifeless body; "These are delicate matters… "

**I'm currently inspired to write a Cedric/Golden Merpeople Egg fic. xD Er.. Yeah hope you enjoyed this crazy shit and I hope to read a review! I mean if you made it all the way here surely you can write me a few lines with your opinion.**


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